Interviews Suck

I haven't posted in a while so I just thought I would update me as to what is going on in my life... I say me because I am still pretty sure the only people who actually bother with this are me and my wife so anyway. I had an interview last week which was interesting, I always worry about interviews. When I go I feel as though I might get the job or whatever and then sure enough a day or so later I get a responce saying I have failed to attend a job yet again. It sucks even more than just getting a responce straight from the CV because at least with just the CV they aren't judging YOU... just your CV right? So obviously I didn't get the job, I only just found this out and it kind of bothers me, I would have really enjoyed doing this sort of work. The job I had an interview for was a gardening role so it sounded like a lot of fun, something that would have motivated me, made me feel good about working and kept me from being overly stressed. I suppose I will just be saying most of this tomorrow anyway on my Youtube channel but I really want a job. I am going stir crazy not having anything to do. When I get so bored for not having anything to do I just fill my life with meaningless tasks, pointless things that just take up time that mean in the end I only start living when my wife gets home, I am so scared that I am putting a tremendous amount of pressure on her. I know God has a plan for me but what if that had been the job and I messed up the interview, what if I said something I wasn't supposed to or didn't say something I was? I have only just managed to get a CV I am proud of now I have to try and be someone I am not to impress people I don't even know, and I don't know how. I just need some peace of mind that there is something I am supposed to be doing with my life, the only things I have in my life, when my wife isn't around, are Youtube, Nerdfighting and Psychology, and I can't do my Psychology course because we literally can't afford it. We are ok for our needs but our wants are very limited at the moment, and I so desire to be able to fund my course, I have such high dreams of going to university studying something I really want to, feeling great about it. I don't know maybe I'm not making any sense.

Thanks for reading, God Bless,
NL