Ok, Ok, Ok...

Ok, Ok, OK, so I know I haven't posted in like 2 weeks so it has been a while, but as noone reads anyway, who cares? So I have been incredibly busy the last couple of weeks, mainly with a job that is starting to drive me crazy, I mean at first, in the beginning, it was all exciting going to different places and doing new things, but now, NOW, it's like a whole in the head I never know when I am going to be working so I can't really plan my day. I am constantly fearing the phonecall that is going to come to say, can you come in and work right now this very second because some dick has let us down again. It is a great job when they ask me the day before to come in on assignment the day/more than one day before I actually have an assignment, but when they just jump on me it is kind of like being slapped around the face. Sometimes I think to myself, "Oh I have a free day today, I can get so much done" and that dreaded phonecall comes to say that no I will not be cleaning my shit up today I will be in fact cleaning up someone elses. Wow, I really was not expecting to just be spending this entire thing ranting at you with my craziness and lack of happiness with my current work situation. I want a job, I want to know when I am working at least 90% of the time, I understand that sometimes even in a 9 till 5 job I would have to go in for shifts I wasn't expecting but still at the moment I live in fear. I want to work in a game shop, I would be happy there, I would be fairly satisfied with what I'd be doing and everything about it, and hopefully God in his good grace will give me this thing. I know it is not in his ultimate plan for me to be there but for now it is kind of what I need to keep going, to keep trudging forward and staying sane.

Anyway I have ranted enough for now, God Bless you and keep you all,
Niv

It's Hard To Clean When...

Both of you are working a lot of the time and there is hardly any time to spend together. So far we have spent this afternoon cleaning our appartment due to the fact that during the week both of us were working most of the time and after returning from home we were to knackered to do anything except for spend time together being lazy. I am a bit irritated if truth be told because just as I started my Psychology course I keep getting loads of work and I don't seem to be able to keep up with my studies. I have managed to get up to the point where I am one section away from my first assignment and have been at this point for about a week and a half so I don't really know what to do, I never seem to have time to study or do anything else so I feel as though my course is going to be a waste of money... Also on top of that my temping agency is changing things around so that I will have to sign a contract that says if I turn down a job(assignment) then they can fire me for it so I can't even do that to allow me to study anymore. I honestly don't know what I am supposed to do about any of this, I just feel like saying to my agency, screw you I am getting a different job... at least I would probably be working less hours which would actually enable me to do the damn course I started my agency work for in the first place. Why did this have to happen now? Why do things constantly go wrong when something seems like it is going right?

Niv

Unwanted Feelings Of Unwantedness

I know my wife loves and adores me. Sometimes though I can't help but feel a bit unwanted, when she is reading and I want to cuddle and she doesn't, when I grab her and squeeze her and she too quickly pulls away from me. I wish these feelings would just go away and I could be content with knowing that sometimes she just doesn't need me to be all cuddly and sweet. I wish I knew what it was she wanted from me all the time so I could provide what it is that she always needs. Please God save me from my own silliness and let me see her for what she is.

Niv

Sports Fun

So the holiday club is going well and everything is brilliant, Monday we were inside for the sports but today we were outside and it seems I managed to get a bit sunburned... Not really that surprising. It occured to me before that even though I started keeping this blog ages and ages ago I actually have way less posts on it than I do on Youtube. I guess I have always been better at expressing myself visually rather than through typing and script this seems to be fairly good though because I make friends very easily and I am relaxed in most social situations. My life is good at the moment and while do the holiday club I really feel God has good intentions for my life, whereever or however they may be.

Thanks for reading, God Bless you and keep you all,
Niv

Hard Times, Easy Times

Hey all. So this week has been very hard for me it was the first time in a long time that I (possibly ever in my lifetime) worked almost a full week. In total I racked up about 30 and a half hours, which compared to my previous 12 - 24 hours is a bit more substantial and I will be paid a bit more substantially than before. I am happy with this fact, I am happy that I get to be paid really quite well, though saying that the previous week wasn't to bad either, my bank account doesn't look quite so ill as it was doing. I do quite like the fact that I get paid the week after I work as well, and for any people out there looking for a job I would really recommend doing some temping because it's just a brilliant way to go.

Next week I will be helping out with a children's holiday club for church, which is going to be fun. At one point in life I was sincerly considering the idea of working with children as a profession but the whole idea fell apart when I wasn't able to get enrolled on the course I wanted to study and I realised that I didn't really want to do something I would be more than happy to do for free. So I am really looking forward to tomorrow.

Anyway that is all I have for now. DFTBA, God Bless,
Niv

Almost 2 Weeks

I am sorry for not updating earlier... I have been so busy these last couple of weeks I haven't really had time, but I thought it was time, while I was not doing anything else, to say a couple of words so you know I am still alive. I have been busy working most of the time since I last posted, things that have changed are basically that I am very tired and that I keep putting this off far to much. I have a shift tomorrow that starts at about 6am so I have to be up around 5, luckily I should have enough time in the evening to do some house work, make my videos for the next couple of days and all round prepare for my family who are going to be staying for a week or so, depending on each individual preference. I seem to have been having problems developing/renewing some rifts between me and my family in the last week or 2 which may well add to the stress I have been under and the general lack of interest with writing here. Yesterday I went on a trip to London to meet a massive group of Nerdfighters and one of the leaders of the community, John Green, if you don't know what a Nerdfighter is, go here - www.youtube.com/vlogbrothers it will explain ALL. It was really nice to meet some of the people I have chatted to on the internet, as well as meeting many people I hadn't previously met but who had similar drive to change the world. I am very glad I had the opportunity to meet them and I am glad that I didn't get lost on the endless trains to the event. John Green, when I finally met him, turned out to be as nice, if not nicer, as he appears on the youtube channel so I was very happy to meet him, he did a very special piece for me which I shall be using on my channel on Tuesday. www.youtube.com/niveusleonusx

Thanks for reading, God Bless,
Niv

I Am An Addict

I am an addict. Normally you would hear this sentence at Addict Discussion meetings. I don't want to have to be a person who goes to those meetings but I am content with the idea of spreading to the world that I am an addict, it is something I have problems with every day, I fight so hard and sometimes I lose and other times I don't. Some people think that addicts are weak, that they should be able to control themselves, but when you lose control completely it is so hard to regain it that so often it is easier just to not. When a person decides they can't handle not having control anymore it takes every ounce of strength to fight against their problem. I am an addict, I can't change this fact, I will always be an addict, what I can do is try to learn from it and avoid my addictions. I say addictions because there are a lot of them. Everybody is different right? I am the sort of person who gets addicted to things so easily it isn't even funny, I never started drinking, or smoking, or taking other types of drugs because I knew that if I had I wouldn't have been able to stop. Things are not as simple as stopping being addicted to something though, you can make the choice but still find yourself failing over and over and every time you fail it just makes you depressed and when you are depressed you just want to do your addiction because for a little moment it makes you feel better. I am an addict and this is my truth and now I will be fighting it with everything I have because I hate that I am an addict.

God guide you always,
NL