Blogging

Hey everyone. I just realised I haven't blogged for a little while (I think maybe a week, but time has been passing quite fast recently). I am relatively the same as I was last time, however I have since taken my CV into various places to see if I can get a full time job, I am hoping to get a full time job soon so that I just have the experience under my belt when I finally decide what career (if there is a career out there for me) I want to follow. I have never been very good at deciding things to do with jobs and careers and things and all through school I envied those who knew what it was they were going to do and who chose the classes to go with that. I am still not really like that but I have an arrangement of ideas that move somewhere (not sure where but they seem a little bit linked) so I suppose that is one up on how I used to be, I recently undertook a series of seminars at church which enabled me to be able to realise that life choses can be a lot more easy to make than I previously thought, all I have to do is try stuff and when I find something I am settled with I can stick with that. I am looking into retail jobs at the moment though because I want to work in a shop, and I get the sense it would be the sort of environment I would be well suited to. Anyway I think with this renewed confidence I should find something quite soon, time will tell.

Thanks for reading,
Niv

Planning a Plan

Hey guys, at the moment I am trying to formulate a plan as to how I will get from position A) to position B) in my life. Position A) is the fact that I am working as an industrial temp and it is driving me crazy, position B) is working in a Game shop such as Game or Game Station or something. I know there are quite a few steps I need to take before I can walk the whole path because I seriously dou8bt I am just going to get lucky and wake up with a job at one of these places tomorrow, however I am just trying to work out what those steps ARE I have currently worked out that I need more experience in shop work and with applying, the first I have little experience with, the second I have little practice with. On top of this I have had many terrible experiences with such things as interviews so I need more practice with those. All in all it seems like I am in for possibly one of the most eventful and interesting years I have had so far in my life. God give me strength.

Thanks for reading, God bless,
Niv

My wife is beautiful, wonderful, and caring. I am so lucky...

Hey there all you wonderful people, about maybe 5 weeks after I said I was going to update my blog every week, I stopped doing so every week. To be honest with you I have been fairly busy and stressed until the last couple of weeks where I had pretty much no work. My wife has been so wonderful and caring for me recently while I have been suffering a bit from some of my 'fantastic' depression. She is so gorgeous and perfect and wonderful and I can't help but love her so incredibly much. She is my light in life and I am so thankful to God that I have her with me. A lot of people say I am so young to have married when I did, but it all just seemed so natural that I don't think that way. If you feel as though you have found your direct match why not get married? It is almost as if most people think they will find something better and to some degree they are always looking. I hate this world we live in where a 'commitment' is to move in together but not to necessarily stay together. I hate that so many people are scared to get married and that they some how see it as an enemy. I hate that to society marriage is a terrible burden that must be avoided at all costs. Sometimes things in this world really get to me. I must get on with it though I suppose. I am 21, I am married and surprise, surprise... I am happy.

Thanks for reading, God bless you and keep you,
Niv

Ok, Ok, Ok...

Ok, Ok, OK, so I know I haven't posted in like 2 weeks so it has been a while, but as noone reads anyway, who cares? So I have been incredibly busy the last couple of weeks, mainly with a job that is starting to drive me crazy, I mean at first, in the beginning, it was all exciting going to different places and doing new things, but now, NOW, it's like a whole in the head I never know when I am going to be working so I can't really plan my day. I am constantly fearing the phonecall that is going to come to say, can you come in and work right now this very second because some dick has let us down again. It is a great job when they ask me the day before to come in on assignment the day/more than one day before I actually have an assignment, but when they just jump on me it is kind of like being slapped around the face. Sometimes I think to myself, "Oh I have a free day today, I can get so much done" and that dreaded phonecall comes to say that no I will not be cleaning my shit up today I will be in fact cleaning up someone elses. Wow, I really was not expecting to just be spending this entire thing ranting at you with my craziness and lack of happiness with my current work situation. I want a job, I want to know when I am working at least 90% of the time, I understand that sometimes even in a 9 till 5 job I would have to go in for shifts I wasn't expecting but still at the moment I live in fear. I want to work in a game shop, I would be happy there, I would be fairly satisfied with what I'd be doing and everything about it, and hopefully God in his good grace will give me this thing. I know it is not in his ultimate plan for me to be there but for now it is kind of what I need to keep going, to keep trudging forward and staying sane.

Anyway I have ranted enough for now, God Bless you and keep you all,
Niv

It's Hard To Clean When...

Both of you are working a lot of the time and there is hardly any time to spend together. So far we have spent this afternoon cleaning our appartment due to the fact that during the week both of us were working most of the time and after returning from home we were to knackered to do anything except for spend time together being lazy. I am a bit irritated if truth be told because just as I started my Psychology course I keep getting loads of work and I don't seem to be able to keep up with my studies. I have managed to get up to the point where I am one section away from my first assignment and have been at this point for about a week and a half so I don't really know what to do, I never seem to have time to study or do anything else so I feel as though my course is going to be a waste of money... Also on top of that my temping agency is changing things around so that I will have to sign a contract that says if I turn down a job(assignment) then they can fire me for it so I can't even do that to allow me to study anymore. I honestly don't know what I am supposed to do about any of this, I just feel like saying to my agency, screw you I am getting a different job... at least I would probably be working less hours which would actually enable me to do the damn course I started my agency work for in the first place. Why did this have to happen now? Why do things constantly go wrong when something seems like it is going right?

Niv

Unwanted Feelings Of Unwantedness

I know my wife loves and adores me. Sometimes though I can't help but feel a bit unwanted, when she is reading and I want to cuddle and she doesn't, when I grab her and squeeze her and she too quickly pulls away from me. I wish these feelings would just go away and I could be content with knowing that sometimes she just doesn't need me to be all cuddly and sweet. I wish I knew what it was she wanted from me all the time so I could provide what it is that she always needs. Please God save me from my own silliness and let me see her for what she is.

Niv

Sports Fun

So the holiday club is going well and everything is brilliant, Monday we were inside for the sports but today we were outside and it seems I managed to get a bit sunburned... Not really that surprising. It occured to me before that even though I started keeping this blog ages and ages ago I actually have way less posts on it than I do on Youtube. I guess I have always been better at expressing myself visually rather than through typing and script this seems to be fairly good though because I make friends very easily and I am relaxed in most social situations. My life is good at the moment and while do the holiday club I really feel God has good intentions for my life, whereever or however they may be.

Thanks for reading, God Bless you and keep you all,
Niv

Hard Times, Easy Times

Hey all. So this week has been very hard for me it was the first time in a long time that I (possibly ever in my lifetime) worked almost a full week. In total I racked up about 30 and a half hours, which compared to my previous 12 - 24 hours is a bit more substantial and I will be paid a bit more substantially than before. I am happy with this fact, I am happy that I get to be paid really quite well, though saying that the previous week wasn't to bad either, my bank account doesn't look quite so ill as it was doing. I do quite like the fact that I get paid the week after I work as well, and for any people out there looking for a job I would really recommend doing some temping because it's just a brilliant way to go.

Next week I will be helping out with a children's holiday club for church, which is going to be fun. At one point in life I was sincerly considering the idea of working with children as a profession but the whole idea fell apart when I wasn't able to get enrolled on the course I wanted to study and I realised that I didn't really want to do something I would be more than happy to do for free. So I am really looking forward to tomorrow.

Anyway that is all I have for now. DFTBA, God Bless,
Niv

Almost 2 Weeks

I am sorry for not updating earlier... I have been so busy these last couple of weeks I haven't really had time, but I thought it was time, while I was not doing anything else, to say a couple of words so you know I am still alive. I have been busy working most of the time since I last posted, things that have changed are basically that I am very tired and that I keep putting this off far to much. I have a shift tomorrow that starts at about 6am so I have to be up around 5, luckily I should have enough time in the evening to do some house work, make my videos for the next couple of days and all round prepare for my family who are going to be staying for a week or so, depending on each individual preference. I seem to have been having problems developing/renewing some rifts between me and my family in the last week or 2 which may well add to the stress I have been under and the general lack of interest with writing here. Yesterday I went on a trip to London to meet a massive group of Nerdfighters and one of the leaders of the community, John Green, if you don't know what a Nerdfighter is, go here - www.youtube.com/vlogbrothers it will explain ALL. It was really nice to meet some of the people I have chatted to on the internet, as well as meeting many people I hadn't previously met but who had similar drive to change the world. I am very glad I had the opportunity to meet them and I am glad that I didn't get lost on the endless trains to the event. John Green, when I finally met him, turned out to be as nice, if not nicer, as he appears on the youtube channel so I was very happy to meet him, he did a very special piece for me which I shall be using on my channel on Tuesday. www.youtube.com/niveusleonusx

Thanks for reading, God Bless,
Niv

I Am An Addict

I am an addict. Normally you would hear this sentence at Addict Discussion meetings. I don't want to have to be a person who goes to those meetings but I am content with the idea of spreading to the world that I am an addict, it is something I have problems with every day, I fight so hard and sometimes I lose and other times I don't. Some people think that addicts are weak, that they should be able to control themselves, but when you lose control completely it is so hard to regain it that so often it is easier just to not. When a person decides they can't handle not having control anymore it takes every ounce of strength to fight against their problem. I am an addict, I can't change this fact, I will always be an addict, what I can do is try to learn from it and avoid my addictions. I say addictions because there are a lot of them. Everybody is different right? I am the sort of person who gets addicted to things so easily it isn't even funny, I never started drinking, or smoking, or taking other types of drugs because I knew that if I had I wouldn't have been able to stop. Things are not as simple as stopping being addicted to something though, you can make the choice but still find yourself failing over and over and every time you fail it just makes you depressed and when you are depressed you just want to do your addiction because for a little moment it makes you feel better. I am an addict and this is my truth and now I will be fighting it with everything I have because I hate that I am an addict.

God guide you always,
NL

Hard Working

Hello all, it has been a little over a week since my last post but that is relatively beside the point because I am updating now. I have had a very hectic last week, of course we are now back from our holiday in the sun :) and everything has been a bit crazy. Our flight back was fairly pleasant for me, however my wife was suffering from a bit of a altitude headache for most of the flight. We didn't have long to settle back in though because the day after my wife had work and the day after that I had work, which was interesting. I spent the next 2 days litter picking around the local shopping centre, it is actually surprisingly hard work. By the end of both days my legs felt sort of like big chunks of pain eminating from the bottom of my torso. I never really apprieciated the effort that went into keeping our shopping centres clean until I tried that. I am going to be doing it again in a couple of weeks time, though that will be for less time so I will probably survive better. I am actually quite happy to announce I already have 5 jobs (including the cleaning one) lined up for the next 2 weeks, this is fairly unusual due to the fact that I am normally informed about a day in advance. I am glad I already know though because it allows me to plan my 2 weeks better, in otherwords I know when I need to make my videos and things for youtube, and when I will need to upload them. Apart from this craziness everything has been good in our household, we are happy and we are again planning what to do in the future. We're actually in the process of making a timeline to put key events on so that we know when we want certain things to happen. Finally God is good, he guides me always.

God guide you and protect you always,
NL

Sunny Days

So I am on holiday at the moment, it is great to get away from home for a while. Though it has been very sunny resently which isn't very good for me because I have skin that burns like a candle. At the moment I am sort of avoiding the sunlight and keeping to my cryptal living ways. Perhaps one day my skin will be able resist the sun's rays to a degree that I will be able to be in the sun for a day and not come out looking like a lobster. Well at the moment we are considering moving. Life is as it is quite unusally interesting I suppose things will sort out in the end.

All I am doing with my life at the moment is temping and youtubing, so don't forget to go by my channel and subscribe... only you don't have to really, but yeah you do!!

Thanks for reading, God bless,
NL

Hallo, och välkommen till sverige

Hey all, I am currently on holiday in Sweden with my wife. So far we have driven a lot I think I calculated that we had driven around 600km to and from a place we were staying so we went about 1200km in total. It was a very long journey either way so I am relatively glad we are back at our base of operations in the South. While we were in a more northern direction we we swimming in a lake, it isn't like in England, the water is fairly warm and comfortable. It was a lot of fun and extremely refreshing. We also did some minigolf, which I was extremely fail at, and picked many wild blueberries. I suppose this particular blog isn't very interesting in itself but things are good and I am happy. God is definitely blessing this adventure.

Thanks for reading. God bless you all,
NL

Am I Going Crazy?

Hej Allihopa. So I have been living in my past recently. My mind is constantly flashing back to living in Sweden. Sometimes the memories so clear I forget I am here. It is almost as if I am there again. My flashbacks are to clear to not be worrying because I have always had a relatively bad memory, now I seem to be remembering the smallest insignificant details. Perhaps it is because I am going back there on Thursday, or maybe I am actually going crazy and my mind is falling in on itself. I keep having to catch myself, realising that I have just been wandering around my mind for a while and that I am in this more real world. My memories seem to be so complex and accurate that I worry that I am loosing chances of other memories that I should be having from now. It seems I keep going back to various places depending on what I am doing. If I am sitting down in the living room I flashback to the living room of the apartment in Sweden, if I am walking somewhere I find myself flashing to walking through my old city or through the countryside of Azeroth. Maybe I am going crazy. God guide me in this interesting time.

May God Guide and Protect you all,
NL

Vidcon

As you should know by now, I recently started youtubing. Though I am not very successful at the moment I discovered not that long ago (a long with the rest of the youtube community) that a conference for youtubers would be happening this week end. It has started and I of course with very little money to my name was unable to go to it. I honestly would have loved to have been able to meet up with all the famous and partially famous youtubers that I love watching. At the moment Vidcon is supposed to be only running this year but I am hoping that they (the vlogbrothers) will decide that it is so successful that they want to have another one next year and possibly every year following that, or maybe every other year. I do love youtube and vlogging and I am hoping that one day I will be able to meet some of the youtubers I look up to.

Thanks for reading. God bless you and keep you all,
NL

Peace Increase

Things are very odd at the moment. It is hard to say how life is because I don't really understand what is going on in it. When I am home without my wife I spend my time in Nerdfighter chat, talking about everything and nothing, and playing various computer games. I recently got into the old Warcraft series, playing Warcraft - Orcs and Humans as well as Warcraft 2. I suppose the house work is a little harder now that I am working sometimes, I don't know whether I will be home to do it and things. I suppose working is good but it is so hard because I never know whether I will be working or how long I'll be working for, or even what I will be doing. The whole thing is a little stressful but I suppose it could be worse. I would like to try and sort out a regular job though, that would be much better and easier. I wouldn't worry so much then, but I guess really I should just be relying on God more. I mean he has got me through a tough period and this is tough in another way so I really should ask him more.

Thanks for reading. God Bless and keep you all,
NL

A While

Hello all, it has been a while :). So I am going off to do some work today, moving beds, can't say I am totally thrilled by the prospect, took me around 4 days for my muscles to recover after the last time. I am hoping that I will be a little stronger than I was before though since I have been doing other things between then and now though. Life is good at the moment, I feel as though we are moving forward, slowly but still moving forward. The fact that I am getting some work is awesome, but I am worried because I haven't been taxed as yet and it may be I have to self-analyse, in which case I need to be very careful how much I pay out of my account. I do enjoy working, sort of, but I guess I wish that it wasn't so raggedy and that I could enjoy the benefits of a regular job, that I know how to do.

It was our anniversary on Monday which we celebrated in excellent style. We went to the Theatre, rented a few movies, and watched a lot of episodes of TV that we had missed. Of course we did seperate it all out into 4 days, probably why I have not updated my blog for about a week or so.

Anyway that's all for now. God bless you all,
NL

Rambling...

So I don't really know what to write here. I might have some more work tomorrow doing the same thing as I did last week which will be quite fun. More beds to be moved. Me and my wife decided not to go to church today and instead did a little Bible study which worked out quite well because we knew what was being done in the church meeting. Apart from those 2 things there isn't really anything else I have to say. Went out driving today though, first time I've driven properly in like 6 months, bit terrifying but I guess at least I didn't crash into anything. So yeah that's it.

Thanks for reading. May God bless you and keep you,
NL

Oil Spill

Good morning Youtube, errr wait wrong website. So hey everyone I was impressed to note that after months of posting once every few weeks on my blog I have actually done one almost every day for the past week, minus yesterday. The reason for my lack of post yesterday was due to the fact that I had work, yep, work! I got a call from the temping agency I signed up to to go move some beds, it was HARD labour, but I enjoyed it so much compared to sitting around doing nothing that today when I took my time sheet in today and I was asked whether I would maybe do it again next week I said that I would. My muscles hurt at the moment, however hopefully by monday they should be ok, in which case I'll be all ready to move some more beds. If I am to work next week however my posts on Youtube will be at different times than normal due to the fact that I won't be able to post in the morning, this doesn't really affect my channel so much except for the fact I will have to say "Good evening Youtube" instead of what I wrote at the beginning of this blog post. I recently added my Moderator Module to my channel and though at first I thought it wasn't doing anything it seems that a couple of people have used it and I will be able to have a discussion idea by Monday, it looks like it will probably be a discussion on Anorexia and Bulemia, though I have covered this topic previously before on my channel I would really like to make a decent discussion going about it to see what over people think about it.

The reason for the title of this blog is due to the fact that our new car has been having a few problems, firstly the CD player had a CD stuck in it and now it has started leaking oil, we are going to take it to have it looked out but I am worried it is going to be expensive to fix. At the moment however I best be going, I have a lot to think about, many things to plan and a wife to take care of.

Thanks for reading. May God bless you and keep you,
NL

After Months Of Rejection

After months of rejecting my blog in favour of my various other conquests (youtube) I have decided to bring a renewal of commitment to try and get at least one post on my blog per week (some weeks will probably be more). I started this blog because I wanted to organise my thoughts, to be able to think things through and come up with decent answers. In some ways this has been a success and THIS is why I have decided it is important to continue. Obviously yesterdays post was more like a way of analysing the arguement I was having with my wife at the time and by the end of it I had actually come to the conclusion I had been doing stuff wrong that was making the situation worse and just upsetting my wife more. In the end neither of us are perfect and we still need to work on things, however I am happy to say that after I had finished blogging yesterday we managed to resolve the arguement fairly easily when I just took the time to LISTEN to what she was trying to say and stopped giving her damn pointless advice. All is good and God did answer my prayer in the end so I am happy for that.

May God bless you and keep you,
NL