Ok, Ok, Ok...

Ok, Ok, OK, so I know I haven't posted in like 2 weeks so it has been a while, but as noone reads anyway, who cares? So I have been incredibly busy the last couple of weeks, mainly with a job that is starting to drive me crazy, I mean at first, in the beginning, it was all exciting going to different places and doing new things, but now, NOW, it's like a whole in the head I never know when I am going to be working so I can't really plan my day. I am constantly fearing the phonecall that is going to come to say, can you come in and work right now this very second because some dick has let us down again. It is a great job when they ask me the day before to come in on assignment the day/more than one day before I actually have an assignment, but when they just jump on me it is kind of like being slapped around the face. Sometimes I think to myself, "Oh I have a free day today, I can get so much done" and that dreaded phonecall comes to say that no I will not be cleaning my shit up today I will be in fact cleaning up someone elses. Wow, I really was not expecting to just be spending this entire thing ranting at you with my craziness and lack of happiness with my current work situation. I want a job, I want to know when I am working at least 90% of the time, I understand that sometimes even in a 9 till 5 job I would have to go in for shifts I wasn't expecting but still at the moment I live in fear. I want to work in a game shop, I would be happy there, I would be fairly satisfied with what I'd be doing and everything about it, and hopefully God in his good grace will give me this thing. I know it is not in his ultimate plan for me to be there but for now it is kind of what I need to keep going, to keep trudging forward and staying sane.

Anyway I have ranted enough for now, God Bless you and keep you all,
Niv

It's Hard To Clean When...

Both of you are working a lot of the time and there is hardly any time to spend together. So far we have spent this afternoon cleaning our appartment due to the fact that during the week both of us were working most of the time and after returning from home we were to knackered to do anything except for spend time together being lazy. I am a bit irritated if truth be told because just as I started my Psychology course I keep getting loads of work and I don't seem to be able to keep up with my studies. I have managed to get up to the point where I am one section away from my first assignment and have been at this point for about a week and a half so I don't really know what to do, I never seem to have time to study or do anything else so I feel as though my course is going to be a waste of money... Also on top of that my temping agency is changing things around so that I will have to sign a contract that says if I turn down a job(assignment) then they can fire me for it so I can't even do that to allow me to study anymore. I honestly don't know what I am supposed to do about any of this, I just feel like saying to my agency, screw you I am getting a different job... at least I would probably be working less hours which would actually enable me to do the damn course I started my agency work for in the first place. Why did this have to happen now? Why do things constantly go wrong when something seems like it is going right?

Niv

Unwanted Feelings Of Unwantedness

I know my wife loves and adores me. Sometimes though I can't help but feel a bit unwanted, when she is reading and I want to cuddle and she doesn't, when I grab her and squeeze her and she too quickly pulls away from me. I wish these feelings would just go away and I could be content with knowing that sometimes she just doesn't need me to be all cuddly and sweet. I wish I knew what it was she wanted from me all the time so I could provide what it is that she always needs. Please God save me from my own silliness and let me see her for what she is.

Niv