Blogging

Hey everyone. I just realised I haven't blogged for a little while (I think maybe a week, but time has been passing quite fast recently). I am relatively the same as I was last time, however I have since taken my CV into various places to see if I can get a full time job, I am hoping to get a full time job soon so that I just have the experience under my belt when I finally decide what career (if there is a career out there for me) I want to follow. I have never been very good at deciding things to do with jobs and careers and things and all through school I envied those who knew what it was they were going to do and who chose the classes to go with that. I am still not really like that but I have an arrangement of ideas that move somewhere (not sure where but they seem a little bit linked) so I suppose that is one up on how I used to be, I recently undertook a series of seminars at church which enabled me to be able to realise that life choses can be a lot more easy to make than I previously thought, all I have to do is try stuff and when I find something I am settled with I can stick with that. I am looking into retail jobs at the moment though because I want to work in a shop, and I get the sense it would be the sort of environment I would be well suited to. Anyway I think with this renewed confidence I should find something quite soon, time will tell.

Thanks for reading,
Niv

Planning a Plan

Hey guys, at the moment I am trying to formulate a plan as to how I will get from position A) to position B) in my life. Position A) is the fact that I am working as an industrial temp and it is driving me crazy, position B) is working in a Game shop such as Game or Game Station or something. I know there are quite a few steps I need to take before I can walk the whole path because I seriously dou8bt I am just going to get lucky and wake up with a job at one of these places tomorrow, however I am just trying to work out what those steps ARE I have currently worked out that I need more experience in shop work and with applying, the first I have little experience with, the second I have little practice with. On top of this I have had many terrible experiences with such things as interviews so I need more practice with those. All in all it seems like I am in for possibly one of the most eventful and interesting years I have had so far in my life. God give me strength.

Thanks for reading, God bless,
Niv

My wife is beautiful, wonderful, and caring. I am so lucky...

Hey there all you wonderful people, about maybe 5 weeks after I said I was going to update my blog every week, I stopped doing so every week. To be honest with you I have been fairly busy and stressed until the last couple of weeks where I had pretty much no work. My wife has been so wonderful and caring for me recently while I have been suffering a bit from some of my 'fantastic' depression. She is so gorgeous and perfect and wonderful and I can't help but love her so incredibly much. She is my light in life and I am so thankful to God that I have her with me. A lot of people say I am so young to have married when I did, but it all just seemed so natural that I don't think that way. If you feel as though you have found your direct match why not get married? It is almost as if most people think they will find something better and to some degree they are always looking. I hate this world we live in where a 'commitment' is to move in together but not to necessarily stay together. I hate that so many people are scared to get married and that they some how see it as an enemy. I hate that to society marriage is a terrible burden that must be avoided at all costs. Sometimes things in this world really get to me. I must get on with it though I suppose. I am 21, I am married and surprise, surprise... I am happy.

Thanks for reading, God bless you and keep you,
Niv

Ok, Ok, Ok...

Ok, Ok, OK, so I know I haven't posted in like 2 weeks so it has been a while, but as noone reads anyway, who cares? So I have been incredibly busy the last couple of weeks, mainly with a job that is starting to drive me crazy, I mean at first, in the beginning, it was all exciting going to different places and doing new things, but now, NOW, it's like a whole in the head I never know when I am going to be working so I can't really plan my day. I am constantly fearing the phonecall that is going to come to say, can you come in and work right now this very second because some dick has let us down again. It is a great job when they ask me the day before to come in on assignment the day/more than one day before I actually have an assignment, but when they just jump on me it is kind of like being slapped around the face. Sometimes I think to myself, "Oh I have a free day today, I can get so much done" and that dreaded phonecall comes to say that no I will not be cleaning my shit up today I will be in fact cleaning up someone elses. Wow, I really was not expecting to just be spending this entire thing ranting at you with my craziness and lack of happiness with my current work situation. I want a job, I want to know when I am working at least 90% of the time, I understand that sometimes even in a 9 till 5 job I would have to go in for shifts I wasn't expecting but still at the moment I live in fear. I want to work in a game shop, I would be happy there, I would be fairly satisfied with what I'd be doing and everything about it, and hopefully God in his good grace will give me this thing. I know it is not in his ultimate plan for me to be there but for now it is kind of what I need to keep going, to keep trudging forward and staying sane.

Anyway I have ranted enough for now, God Bless you and keep you all,
Niv

It's Hard To Clean When...

Both of you are working a lot of the time and there is hardly any time to spend together. So far we have spent this afternoon cleaning our appartment due to the fact that during the week both of us were working most of the time and after returning from home we were to knackered to do anything except for spend time together being lazy. I am a bit irritated if truth be told because just as I started my Psychology course I keep getting loads of work and I don't seem to be able to keep up with my studies. I have managed to get up to the point where I am one section away from my first assignment and have been at this point for about a week and a half so I don't really know what to do, I never seem to have time to study or do anything else so I feel as though my course is going to be a waste of money... Also on top of that my temping agency is changing things around so that I will have to sign a contract that says if I turn down a job(assignment) then they can fire me for it so I can't even do that to allow me to study anymore. I honestly don't know what I am supposed to do about any of this, I just feel like saying to my agency, screw you I am getting a different job... at least I would probably be working less hours which would actually enable me to do the damn course I started my agency work for in the first place. Why did this have to happen now? Why do things constantly go wrong when something seems like it is going right?

Niv

Unwanted Feelings Of Unwantedness

I know my wife loves and adores me. Sometimes though I can't help but feel a bit unwanted, when she is reading and I want to cuddle and she doesn't, when I grab her and squeeze her and she too quickly pulls away from me. I wish these feelings would just go away and I could be content with knowing that sometimes she just doesn't need me to be all cuddly and sweet. I wish I knew what it was she wanted from me all the time so I could provide what it is that she always needs. Please God save me from my own silliness and let me see her for what she is.

Niv

Sports Fun

So the holiday club is going well and everything is brilliant, Monday we were inside for the sports but today we were outside and it seems I managed to get a bit sunburned... Not really that surprising. It occured to me before that even though I started keeping this blog ages and ages ago I actually have way less posts on it than I do on Youtube. I guess I have always been better at expressing myself visually rather than through typing and script this seems to be fairly good though because I make friends very easily and I am relaxed in most social situations. My life is good at the moment and while do the holiday club I really feel God has good intentions for my life, whereever or however they may be.

Thanks for reading, God Bless you and keep you all,
Niv

Hard Times, Easy Times

Hey all. So this week has been very hard for me it was the first time in a long time that I (possibly ever in my lifetime) worked almost a full week. In total I racked up about 30 and a half hours, which compared to my previous 12 - 24 hours is a bit more substantial and I will be paid a bit more substantially than before. I am happy with this fact, I am happy that I get to be paid really quite well, though saying that the previous week wasn't to bad either, my bank account doesn't look quite so ill as it was doing. I do quite like the fact that I get paid the week after I work as well, and for any people out there looking for a job I would really recommend doing some temping because it's just a brilliant way to go.

Next week I will be helping out with a children's holiday club for church, which is going to be fun. At one point in life I was sincerly considering the idea of working with children as a profession but the whole idea fell apart when I wasn't able to get enrolled on the course I wanted to study and I realised that I didn't really want to do something I would be more than happy to do for free. So I am really looking forward to tomorrow.

Anyway that is all I have for now. DFTBA, God Bless,
Niv

Almost 2 Weeks

I am sorry for not updating earlier... I have been so busy these last couple of weeks I haven't really had time, but I thought it was time, while I was not doing anything else, to say a couple of words so you know I am still alive. I have been busy working most of the time since I last posted, things that have changed are basically that I am very tired and that I keep putting this off far to much. I have a shift tomorrow that starts at about 6am so I have to be up around 5, luckily I should have enough time in the evening to do some house work, make my videos for the next couple of days and all round prepare for my family who are going to be staying for a week or so, depending on each individual preference. I seem to have been having problems developing/renewing some rifts between me and my family in the last week or 2 which may well add to the stress I have been under and the general lack of interest with writing here. Yesterday I went on a trip to London to meet a massive group of Nerdfighters and one of the leaders of the community, John Green, if you don't know what a Nerdfighter is, go here - www.youtube.com/vlogbrothers it will explain ALL. It was really nice to meet some of the people I have chatted to on the internet, as well as meeting many people I hadn't previously met but who had similar drive to change the world. I am very glad I had the opportunity to meet them and I am glad that I didn't get lost on the endless trains to the event. John Green, when I finally met him, turned out to be as nice, if not nicer, as he appears on the youtube channel so I was very happy to meet him, he did a very special piece for me which I shall be using on my channel on Tuesday. www.youtube.com/niveusleonusx

Thanks for reading, God Bless,
Niv

I Am An Addict

I am an addict. Normally you would hear this sentence at Addict Discussion meetings. I don't want to have to be a person who goes to those meetings but I am content with the idea of spreading to the world that I am an addict, it is something I have problems with every day, I fight so hard and sometimes I lose and other times I don't. Some people think that addicts are weak, that they should be able to control themselves, but when you lose control completely it is so hard to regain it that so often it is easier just to not. When a person decides they can't handle not having control anymore it takes every ounce of strength to fight against their problem. I am an addict, I can't change this fact, I will always be an addict, what I can do is try to learn from it and avoid my addictions. I say addictions because there are a lot of them. Everybody is different right? I am the sort of person who gets addicted to things so easily it isn't even funny, I never started drinking, or smoking, or taking other types of drugs because I knew that if I had I wouldn't have been able to stop. Things are not as simple as stopping being addicted to something though, you can make the choice but still find yourself failing over and over and every time you fail it just makes you depressed and when you are depressed you just want to do your addiction because for a little moment it makes you feel better. I am an addict and this is my truth and now I will be fighting it with everything I have because I hate that I am an addict.

God guide you always,
NL

Hard Working

Hello all, it has been a little over a week since my last post but that is relatively beside the point because I am updating now. I have had a very hectic last week, of course we are now back from our holiday in the sun :) and everything has been a bit crazy. Our flight back was fairly pleasant for me, however my wife was suffering from a bit of a altitude headache for most of the flight. We didn't have long to settle back in though because the day after my wife had work and the day after that I had work, which was interesting. I spent the next 2 days litter picking around the local shopping centre, it is actually surprisingly hard work. By the end of both days my legs felt sort of like big chunks of pain eminating from the bottom of my torso. I never really apprieciated the effort that went into keeping our shopping centres clean until I tried that. I am going to be doing it again in a couple of weeks time, though that will be for less time so I will probably survive better. I am actually quite happy to announce I already have 5 jobs (including the cleaning one) lined up for the next 2 weeks, this is fairly unusual due to the fact that I am normally informed about a day in advance. I am glad I already know though because it allows me to plan my 2 weeks better, in otherwords I know when I need to make my videos and things for youtube, and when I will need to upload them. Apart from this craziness everything has been good in our household, we are happy and we are again planning what to do in the future. We're actually in the process of making a timeline to put key events on so that we know when we want certain things to happen. Finally God is good, he guides me always.

God guide you and protect you always,
NL

Sunny Days

So I am on holiday at the moment, it is great to get away from home for a while. Though it has been very sunny resently which isn't very good for me because I have skin that burns like a candle. At the moment I am sort of avoiding the sunlight and keeping to my cryptal living ways. Perhaps one day my skin will be able resist the sun's rays to a degree that I will be able to be in the sun for a day and not come out looking like a lobster. Well at the moment we are considering moving. Life is as it is quite unusally interesting I suppose things will sort out in the end.

All I am doing with my life at the moment is temping and youtubing, so don't forget to go by my channel and subscribe... only you don't have to really, but yeah you do!!

Thanks for reading, God bless,
NL

Hallo, och välkommen till sverige

Hey all, I am currently on holiday in Sweden with my wife. So far we have driven a lot I think I calculated that we had driven around 600km to and from a place we were staying so we went about 1200km in total. It was a very long journey either way so I am relatively glad we are back at our base of operations in the South. While we were in a more northern direction we we swimming in a lake, it isn't like in England, the water is fairly warm and comfortable. It was a lot of fun and extremely refreshing. We also did some minigolf, which I was extremely fail at, and picked many wild blueberries. I suppose this particular blog isn't very interesting in itself but things are good and I am happy. God is definitely blessing this adventure.

Thanks for reading. God bless you all,
NL

Am I Going Crazy?

Hej Allihopa. So I have been living in my past recently. My mind is constantly flashing back to living in Sweden. Sometimes the memories so clear I forget I am here. It is almost as if I am there again. My flashbacks are to clear to not be worrying because I have always had a relatively bad memory, now I seem to be remembering the smallest insignificant details. Perhaps it is because I am going back there on Thursday, or maybe I am actually going crazy and my mind is falling in on itself. I keep having to catch myself, realising that I have just been wandering around my mind for a while and that I am in this more real world. My memories seem to be so complex and accurate that I worry that I am loosing chances of other memories that I should be having from now. It seems I keep going back to various places depending on what I am doing. If I am sitting down in the living room I flashback to the living room of the apartment in Sweden, if I am walking somewhere I find myself flashing to walking through my old city or through the countryside of Azeroth. Maybe I am going crazy. God guide me in this interesting time.

May God Guide and Protect you all,
NL

Vidcon

As you should know by now, I recently started youtubing. Though I am not very successful at the moment I discovered not that long ago (a long with the rest of the youtube community) that a conference for youtubers would be happening this week end. It has started and I of course with very little money to my name was unable to go to it. I honestly would have loved to have been able to meet up with all the famous and partially famous youtubers that I love watching. At the moment Vidcon is supposed to be only running this year but I am hoping that they (the vlogbrothers) will decide that it is so successful that they want to have another one next year and possibly every year following that, or maybe every other year. I do love youtube and vlogging and I am hoping that one day I will be able to meet some of the youtubers I look up to.

Thanks for reading. God bless you and keep you all,
NL

Peace Increase

Things are very odd at the moment. It is hard to say how life is because I don't really understand what is going on in it. When I am home without my wife I spend my time in Nerdfighter chat, talking about everything and nothing, and playing various computer games. I recently got into the old Warcraft series, playing Warcraft - Orcs and Humans as well as Warcraft 2. I suppose the house work is a little harder now that I am working sometimes, I don't know whether I will be home to do it and things. I suppose working is good but it is so hard because I never know whether I will be working or how long I'll be working for, or even what I will be doing. The whole thing is a little stressful but I suppose it could be worse. I would like to try and sort out a regular job though, that would be much better and easier. I wouldn't worry so much then, but I guess really I should just be relying on God more. I mean he has got me through a tough period and this is tough in another way so I really should ask him more.

Thanks for reading. God Bless and keep you all,
NL

A While

Hello all, it has been a while :). So I am going off to do some work today, moving beds, can't say I am totally thrilled by the prospect, took me around 4 days for my muscles to recover after the last time. I am hoping that I will be a little stronger than I was before though since I have been doing other things between then and now though. Life is good at the moment, I feel as though we are moving forward, slowly but still moving forward. The fact that I am getting some work is awesome, but I am worried because I haven't been taxed as yet and it may be I have to self-analyse, in which case I need to be very careful how much I pay out of my account. I do enjoy working, sort of, but I guess I wish that it wasn't so raggedy and that I could enjoy the benefits of a regular job, that I know how to do.

It was our anniversary on Monday which we celebrated in excellent style. We went to the Theatre, rented a few movies, and watched a lot of episodes of TV that we had missed. Of course we did seperate it all out into 4 days, probably why I have not updated my blog for about a week or so.

Anyway that's all for now. God bless you all,
NL

Rambling...

So I don't really know what to write here. I might have some more work tomorrow doing the same thing as I did last week which will be quite fun. More beds to be moved. Me and my wife decided not to go to church today and instead did a little Bible study which worked out quite well because we knew what was being done in the church meeting. Apart from those 2 things there isn't really anything else I have to say. Went out driving today though, first time I've driven properly in like 6 months, bit terrifying but I guess at least I didn't crash into anything. So yeah that's it.

Thanks for reading. May God bless you and keep you,
NL

Oil Spill

Good morning Youtube, errr wait wrong website. So hey everyone I was impressed to note that after months of posting once every few weeks on my blog I have actually done one almost every day for the past week, minus yesterday. The reason for my lack of post yesterday was due to the fact that I had work, yep, work! I got a call from the temping agency I signed up to to go move some beds, it was HARD labour, but I enjoyed it so much compared to sitting around doing nothing that today when I took my time sheet in today and I was asked whether I would maybe do it again next week I said that I would. My muscles hurt at the moment, however hopefully by monday they should be ok, in which case I'll be all ready to move some more beds. If I am to work next week however my posts on Youtube will be at different times than normal due to the fact that I won't be able to post in the morning, this doesn't really affect my channel so much except for the fact I will have to say "Good evening Youtube" instead of what I wrote at the beginning of this blog post. I recently added my Moderator Module to my channel and though at first I thought it wasn't doing anything it seems that a couple of people have used it and I will be able to have a discussion idea by Monday, it looks like it will probably be a discussion on Anorexia and Bulemia, though I have covered this topic previously before on my channel I would really like to make a decent discussion going about it to see what over people think about it.

The reason for the title of this blog is due to the fact that our new car has been having a few problems, firstly the CD player had a CD stuck in it and now it has started leaking oil, we are going to take it to have it looked out but I am worried it is going to be expensive to fix. At the moment however I best be going, I have a lot to think about, many things to plan and a wife to take care of.

Thanks for reading. May God bless you and keep you,
NL

After Months Of Rejection

After months of rejecting my blog in favour of my various other conquests (youtube) I have decided to bring a renewal of commitment to try and get at least one post on my blog per week (some weeks will probably be more). I started this blog because I wanted to organise my thoughts, to be able to think things through and come up with decent answers. In some ways this has been a success and THIS is why I have decided it is important to continue. Obviously yesterdays post was more like a way of analysing the arguement I was having with my wife at the time and by the end of it I had actually come to the conclusion I had been doing stuff wrong that was making the situation worse and just upsetting my wife more. In the end neither of us are perfect and we still need to work on things, however I am happy to say that after I had finished blogging yesterday we managed to resolve the arguement fairly easily when I just took the time to LISTEN to what she was trying to say and stopped giving her damn pointless advice. All is good and God did answer my prayer in the end so I am happy for that.

May God bless you and keep you,
NL

If I Want To Discuss

Me and my wife are having one of our disagreements conserning the amount of friends I have who are female. She doesn't like it and is constantly jealous of them. She winds me up to the point that I am shouting at her and can't control my irritation at the fact that she is unwilling to talk to me properly and expects me to talk from a point where I literally am unable to understand what she is saying. She says to me 'Why won't you understand me?' lying down, turned away from me with her back to me. She won't communicate in way that I can understand so what am I supposed to do? As the discussion turns towards a more furious arguement I say 'I can't win with you, I can't even draw', she replies with 'why does this have to be a game? why does this have to be a fight?' it is a fight because she has made it so. She is jealous and wants to talk to me and yet refuses to talk to me in a way I can understand, when I try to give ideas as to how to solve the problem she pretty much spits them back in my face. Maybe that's a problem there, I keep giving fixes to the problem, not really listening to how she feels, but I don't really know what else to do? How can I empathise? I don't really get jealous, I don't mind if she has guy friends. Though I have asked God I think I need to try harder because it doesn't seem to be coming to me.

I guess in the end after this rant really I have come to the point where I can understand that neither of us is doing it right, really I do get to defensive in my discussion. I need to work at listening to her better and try to relate on a higher level rather than just giving whatever solution pops into my head. I just wish she could face me when she is talking to me, give me some body language to work with.

Thanks for reading. May God bless you all,
NL

And She Is Gone

So my wife just got the news that her direct boss (team leader), who has been there less time than my wife (about 6 months), has today handed in her notice to quit. The woman in question was never really very apt at her particular job, she couldn't do it in otherwords, so perhaps it is for the best that she is going. I am actually very glad that the woman in question is leaving due to the fact that she had a very unhelpful and attacking approach to everyone she worked with apart from her boss, she was mean, lazy and all round a waste of space. Perhaps my wife will try to pursue a promotion, however I doubt it as I don't think my wife really wants to follow the stream of management. We shall see how this all turns out, right now I am happy that such a negative person is moving from her work, however I am hoping that she might end up in a situation where she will come to faith and maybe starting treating people a bit more equally. We shall always remember her in our prayers.

Thanks for reading. May God bless you and keep you,
NL

Migraine Worries

At the moment I sit infront of my computer worried terribly about my wife. She keeps getting headaches and I wonder often whether it is something she is eating or something that she is doing that is the problem. At this moment in time she is laying in the other room trying to get some sleep because the pain behind her eyes is unbearable. I don't know what to do about it. I have no ideas what to suggest. She has tried taking 2 types of painkiller but neither has worked and her head is still throbbing. Apart from sleeping and getting a lot of liquids what can be done about this situation? I mean in all likelyhood it is the weather causing the problem what with the extra heat and brightness of light. I wish terribly that I could take the pain for her and that she would be refreshed and happy, even if it meant I had to go through the same torment she is currently going through I would be willing to do that. I hate it when she can't smile, I hate when she isn't ok. It is harder for me to cope with my problems when she can't raise her head just to be able to smirk a little. I am so worried about her and I don't want her to feel like this anymore. Is there really nothing I can do for her?

On a side note if you were to go over to my youtube channel tomorrow you would be noticing some serious changes to it. Things are moving in a different direction and I am happy for the change. I am glad that I might be able to make something out of this. www.youtube.com/niveusleonusx

Thanks for reading. May God bless you and keep you all,
NL

Cars, Cars Everywhere, But Not A Thing To Drive

So my wife and I have been searching for a car recently. We can't seem to agree on the perfect one and as such keep hitting loggerheads. There are so many cars out there that just seem wrong I so badly hope that soon we will find the correct one. Also my brother got married in the weekend.

Well anyway this was just a quick update. As such, please remember to go check out my youtube channel www.youtube.com/niveusleonusx I try to get a video up most days but the last few weeks I have been unable as I have been busy with wedding preparations.

Thanks for reading,
NL

To Much Day Not Enough Rest

I know I only really post on here once in a blue moon nowerdays, but I thought I would just update how things are going. For the last few days me and my wife have been sleeping way to much, we seem to be constantly tired and lethargic. I think it is probably due the fact that last weekend we went to my brother's and future sister-in-law's stag night and hen do respectively and all the travelling just emptied us out.
Anyway my vlog seems to be going well, I do actually have some people watching regularly so I am pretty happy with that. I must admit that it makes me good to know that people are interested in the regular workings of my life even when I am talking about something as serious and boring as politics. Though most of the time my videos are just basically me talking about me, my life and my relationship with my wife. I guess really I have just subbed this for that but either way they are both ways of expressing myself that are fun but also very different from each other.

Me and my wife baked these delicious blueberry buns this week and we are currently in the middle of eating 2 of them. I would serious suggest you all look into the recipe. They are by Jamie Oliver and called 'Jamie's sexy swedish buns'.

Thanks for reading. God Bless,
NL

Life Is Simple, Blogging Is Hard

To ALLLL my fans... roflmao. I realised recently it's getting harder and harder to think of stuff to write on here because most of the time I am just saying anything I want to see on Youtube, so I kind of feel like I am cheating on my blog with my vlog. I suppose that I could technically post everything I say on there onto here but there doesn't really seem to be much point. Really my vlog seems to be fullfilling all of my blogging needs at the moment. Well anyway I haven't really been up to much recently apart from vlogging and going on this website called 'www.nerdfighters.ning.com' which is kind of made of awesome. What's a nerdfighter? I hear all of my massive amounts of fans ask, a Nerdfighter is a Nerd who is dedicated to fighting world suck and making it a better place through doing a lot of stuff such as raising money for charities, extending awareness of environmental damage and basically just doing good things. Anyway if you think you are a Nerdfighter go check it out. It would be interesting to meet someone who is actually reading my blog...

Thanks for reading, God Bless,
niveusleonusx

And The Time Comes

I am fairly content with my existance at the moment, if you go on youtube you will see me complaining a lot about my situation however that is only because me and God have been having an arguement. I feel he is being unfair, and he feels I am being selfish... In the end we aren't really getting anywhere because both of us are fairly stubborn. I think in the end I will probably crack first because you know God is well known for not giving up. Well anyway as I started this piece I am fairly content with my lot, my wife is being fantastic at the moment because she has been having some lovely ideas as to what to do together, and this weekend has been all together brilliant. I do still want a job but it isn't my main concern I suppose, so I am ok with the fact that I don't have one, but I am still having a problem with all the housework. All in all everything is good in our household.

Thanks for reading, God Bless,
NL

WhyNot?

Why God will this gift that I got for her not work? Why is it that we will have to upgrade her computer for it to work? Why does this have to happen to a GIFT I got her? I don't have a lot of money so I try to make the things I buy her worth while. Please allow it to work some how God, please fix this.

NL

Simulation Overload

So I bought my wife a present resently, a stuff pack for her sims 2 game. We generally play side by side, discussing what we are each doing in the game. So I thought that a small gift like this might be a really good idea. We have both installed it however at the moment my wife is having problems running the game and I am worried that the gift I thought would be so great is actually no so great as it appears I am able to run it but she isn't. The problem may be in the tech that we are each individually using, however her computer should be far past the point to run it, the stuff pack shouldn't even change the game THAT much... She is now trying to run the game without the stuff pack to see if that helps and I really hope it does because I hate the idea of my wife being disappointed. Well anyway I will probably write something else later today when we get it to work.

Thanks for reading, God Bless,
NL

Interviews Suck

I haven't posted in a while so I just thought I would update me as to what is going on in my life... I say me because I am still pretty sure the only people who actually bother with this are me and my wife so anyway. I had an interview last week which was interesting, I always worry about interviews. When I go I feel as though I might get the job or whatever and then sure enough a day or so later I get a responce saying I have failed to attend a job yet again. It sucks even more than just getting a responce straight from the CV because at least with just the CV they aren't judging YOU... just your CV right? So obviously I didn't get the job, I only just found this out and it kind of bothers me, I would have really enjoyed doing this sort of work. The job I had an interview for was a gardening role so it sounded like a lot of fun, something that would have motivated me, made me feel good about working and kept me from being overly stressed. I suppose I will just be saying most of this tomorrow anyway on my Youtube channel but I really want a job. I am going stir crazy not having anything to do. When I get so bored for not having anything to do I just fill my life with meaningless tasks, pointless things that just take up time that mean in the end I only start living when my wife gets home, I am so scared that I am putting a tremendous amount of pressure on her. I know God has a plan for me but what if that had been the job and I messed up the interview, what if I said something I wasn't supposed to or didn't say something I was? I have only just managed to get a CV I am proud of now I have to try and be someone I am not to impress people I don't even know, and I don't know how. I just need some peace of mind that there is something I am supposed to be doing with my life, the only things I have in my life, when my wife isn't around, are Youtube, Nerdfighting and Psychology, and I can't do my Psychology course because we literally can't afford it. We are ok for our needs but our wants are very limited at the moment, and I so desire to be able to fund my course, I have such high dreams of going to university studying something I really want to, feeling great about it. I don't know maybe I'm not making any sense.

Thanks for reading, God Bless,
NL

Taxes, Taxes, Taxes

As I don't work my house-hold currently has a very limited supply of cash. My wife is earning a certain amount that we have to twist and turn in every direction so that we can afford to eat, live, and pay our taxes... Sometimes if we are very careful we get to have some fun like going to the cinema or going on holiday. This month we received our tax statements for this year. Our council tax which was at £114 per month (as we moved in last year) is now at approximately £106 per month, however we have a problem we aren't allowed to pay £106 per month for the single reason that they have to redo the computers, which apparently they have to do each year. This in turn means that we have to pay £124 for 10 months, this seem quite insignificant but we will most certainly miss that £10 per month, now the only cure to this is that I find a job and at the moment I am very much considering the idea of becoming a cosmetics consultant to remove all our problems. The only problem with this is that I am worried that my plan for selling them is somewhat flawed and I cannot get rid of the idea that even though it was given to me very definitely that it was just some conjuration of my own person thinking that this is a quick fix to all of my current problems... I hope that I am not in some respect going actually insane from this experience and imagining up every answer to this particular question. Well in anyway I am sure God has my back... well I am most of the time, I can honestly say that sometimes I have doubts, like the fact that my mum came down this weekend and spent it basically talking about seeing other people and battering me with getting a job... She seems to think I have the amazing ability to magically produce a job, she has no idea what the climate is like at the moment and maybe she needs to wake up as I am pretty sure that soon she herself is going to be out of work. I don't know I guess I am quite angry at the moment with how things are, maybe she is right, maybe I should just magic up a job and go work for myself doing whatever it is I can think of... I suppose becoming a cosmetics consultant would be the best idea then. I don't know I need to pray about it.

Thanks for reading, God Bless,
NL

Min Fru Ar Sjuk

Today my wife is home from work as she is ill. She had a reaction to some hyacinths last night and I am hoping its just a continuation from that, because it will mean that she will recover fairly soon. I am worried though that it is the same thing her friend had last week because I am pretty sure that that was a strain of flu or something, from what I heard it was quite nasty. My wife seems to be much better now though so hopefully she will recover quickly, I am so happy to have her home for an extra day though. We are planning on doing a bit of baking and a couple of other things. However most important is that she gets plenty of rest. We did sleep almost 12 hours last night though so her body should already be working on the thing very efficiently. I really love my wife, shes so good to me and so goot for me. She keeps me level when I think that I'm going a bit unbalanced, she doesn't know how much I rely on her but I apprieciate her so much, shes fantastic. With God's help I am sure she will get well soon, considering her progress though, I imagine she will be suitable to go back tomorrow maybe.

Thanks for reading, God Bless,
NL

Visitation From Afar

So my wifes sister and best friend came to visit us this weekend. We had a lot of fun together. We went into London to watch a musical which was amazing, I haven't been to a live performance of anything for a long time and I have never been to a musical before, I was extremely impressed by both the singing and the dancing, seriously those people must be in amazing shape. We also went shopping, which my wife's sister especially enjoyed, I think she left with about 3 times the amount of stuff that she arrived with. All in all we had a lot of fun, now our apartment feels kind of empty as there is just the two of us now, however in most ways I like it like that.

So yeah, another thing I did in the weekend is I organised a poker evening, though there were only 4 people it was pretty much a success and it was fun to socialise with my friends like that.

Thanks for reading, God Bless,
NL

To Guide Or Not To Guide

Hey everyone. Today all I wanted to talk about really was the fact that I am coming quite quickly to the completion of The Relationship Guide as I am fast running out of ideas. I must admit I am going to miss doing it but still I am going to be doing some other Youtube related stuff so I suppose it will be ok. What I am planning to do next is a Vlog, and a few bits of funny stuff, unfortunately I don't think I am as funny on camera as I am in real life. Still it is a good project.

Anyway sorry that this is so short. Thanks for reading, God Bless,
NL

Home Time

Today has been great, because I have been able to spend it with my wife. We have been shopping which was nice just to walk around a bit and dream about the things that we will buy when we get enough money. We technically went shopping for 2 things and ended up forgetting about one of them. I suppose we can go back tomorrow and get it. When we got home we played some Halo on Legendary and spent a lot of time as a couple pwning on the elites.

I really love my wife, she is a wonderful person, who though sometimes makes me feel so irritated, she is pretty much perfect for me. It is just a shame it took me so long to realise it. It is a shame it took so much work to come to terms with it. I love my wife, she really is fantastic.

Thanks for reading, God Bless,
NL

Realisation!

Hey Everyone, I just realised something, nobody really reads my blog. I don't really care but I thought I would just post it. I am happy just typing to myself I guess, really I suppose this whole thing is just sort of like a diary for me. I like blogging even if noone reads it, I like just processing my mind through this particular media. However if there are any people who read this please don't feel put off, I will continue to blog no matter what, in fact if you are reading this please feel free to leave me a comment.

So anyway back to recent happenings. I have still got no job, I am taking things pretty easy as I don't want to stress myself out and I am feeling much more settled about being home all the time, it seems that God really changed me over the last few months, it feels good to know that I am now so much more patient than I used to be, so much more at peace with everything, and so much happier with my wife and my life. God has blessed me so much with all that he has done to me recently, so much so that when me and my wife have an arguement it becomes resolved very fast. I must admit though I am definitely not perfect and I do still keep getting things wrong however when I do make mistakes it isn't a tragedy as it now feels as though it is just another thing I can learn from. Each challenge brings new knowledge, everything has a meaning and something that can be taken from it. Another thing is that the communication lines between me and God are very much open pretty much constantly and when I do make a mistake I apologise and I don't feel bad about it afterward, because he has got my back, he cleanses me of all my wrong doing, he makes me feel ok again. I feel that he has blessed me and my wifes lives so much and he seems to have big plans for the pair of us. I love Him so much, I love my wife so much too, they are the 2 most important individuals in my life.

Thanks for reading and God bless,
NL

Killing Time

So as I am technically a house husband I actually have quite a lot of time on my hands, I pretty much split my time up like this: Looking for jobs, Blogging, Youtubing, Playing Sims 2 (or some other game), Tidying and Organising the apartment and studying psychology. So as you can see I do actually have quite a lot to do, unfortunately there are occasions when I have done all these things and I am still bored. In cases like that it is so tempting to hit ones head against a wall, in times like that everything I do just makes me more bored, even the stuff that is supposed to be quite entertaining feels like a chore. But at the end of the day when my wife gets home everything is OK again. I suppose I wouldn't actually get through the day without God's support, he keeps me up when I am feeling down and breaks the boredum surrounding me. For any of you who are interested I recently started posting on Youtube, I am in the process of creating a series discussing strengthening relationships, when this is finished I will probably move onto something not quite as challenging as a vlog or something, but for now I am happy with what I am doing. If you wish to check it out please feel free to search 'niveusleonusx' to find the videos.

Thanks for reading and God bless,
NL

Sim King

I have been playing a lot of Sims 2 with my wife resently. I have always found Sims 2 to be a really fun game for 2 main reasons. Firstly because of course that you have the opportunity to build houses, which I love because I like allowing my ideas flow freely, secondly you can play a family and control what they do. There is I should mention a button in the settings that allows players to turn off the 'Freewill'. Now when playing I can't help but appreciate God's grace because as a player the idea of the game is to keep your sims happy, in The Sims 2 they have no choice whether they listen to you or not, if they are using their freewill either you can cancel what they are doing or what you tell them to do is prioritised. Now in real life God has the power to make us happy and content, he has the power to fix all our problems, he even has the power to take away freewill if he wants. However, and this is a major point, he doesn't because he wants us the opportunity to make mistakes and learn from them, he allows us the chance to get things wrong, and he even gives us the option as to whether we listen to him or not. In the end in God's grace we are allowed to make our own decisions and even make our own choices, now whether that is by some sort of series of chemical reactions or whatever doesn't really matter because he has given us more power over our lives than that of ANY other creature in the entire universe. We have choice over all the things we do, all the land we fertilise or destroy, about whether or not we pump huge amounts of chemicals into the atmosphere, how we treat animals. We have the choices to damn the world or change it. After all according to a certain mobile phone company 'The Future is in our hands', in other words WE as a people have the ability to change the future for the good or for the bad.

So now you have read this, I hope you have noted that as it is our choice so we are allowed to make mistakes. He has given us that ability to make mistakes. However we are also capable of making the right decisions.

Thanks for reading, God Bless,
NL

Mmmm Cake

So me and my wife are going to this meeting tonight about climate change that is being run by our church. When there was the option to sign up I chose 'setting up' and 'bring a pudding' the first I chose as my wife chose it and we only have one car so it made sense, the second I did because secretly I love to bake. Last Thursday I got bored in the middle of the day and put together a very basic chocolate cake, my wife loved it. I mean which wife wouldn't love coming home to a freshly baked chocolate cake?

So anyway today for the meeting I will be baking a basic sponge cake (victoria sponge) with jam in the middle, covered with hand whipped cream and strawberrys. I just hope that there is noone at this meeting that is lactose intolerant... but I suppose there will be other desserts because 2 other people from our 'branch group' signed up to do them and there is all the other branch groups to take into consideration.

Well I suppose with God's help I will produce a masterpiece of a cake. If not, I don't really mind I mean it is cake after all, even if it isn't perfect.

Thanks for reading, God Bless,
NL

I See You!

So I just thought I would write here that I have started a video guide on Youtube. If any of you readers are having problems in a relationship please feel free to look it up.

If you do wish to just search for my name : niveusleonusx
Or try searching for : The Relationship Guide

Thanks for reading, God Bless,
NL

Try Again Please!

So I keep making mistakes with my new found faith, my new found love, and my new found relationship. It is so hard to avoid going back into old routines and not doing things the way we used to. God is being so gracious at the moment with us, he is helping us on so many levels. On the times that me and my wife are arguing it is probably because one of us is saying something that the other doesn't understand, in times like this all we have to do is pray we just say to God, 'Help us, please, we are having problems understanding each other, we want the words to speak and the ears to listen' and he grants it. The really cool thing is that just by praying it flushes both full of calm and peace so even if what is said afterwards is the same or what is heard is the same it doesn't matter as much because when we are calm like that it is so easy to communicate. Of course the biggest problem we make is that sometimes we try to go it alone and it goes on a lot longer than it should have, if we had just prayed in the first place we would never come to this situation where we are both angry and upset with each other.

So in otherwords even though we aren't getting things right all the time we are much better than we used to be, we are so blessed with each others company that even when disagreements arise we are still both convinced the other one loves us. We have been so blessed by God that we do argue less, we feel better about ourselves, about each other, about life in general really. I have this focus I have never had before and my wife isn't always having a terrible time at work.

Well we are getting on well so I feel fantastic... Also the greatest part is this, for the first time in I don't know how long I am actually really happy, even the sadness and the arguements are part of my happiness so I can't honestly say they are negative. I love my wife so much.

Thanks for reading, God bless,
NL

To Battle!!

I am currently sitting next to my wife attempting to help her battle with her 'EMS' a self assesment style piece of work she is required to do for work. I personally have always hated self assesments, it is much easier in all honesty to analyse someone else that one's self.

Currently we have come up with some ideas as to what she is good at, the current problem is the fact that we can't phrase the stuff we have come up with in such a manner that proves that she is like that... She actually has to come up with ideas as to times when she has done a certain thing, even though trying to remember stuff like that is practically impossible, sometimes people don't think about things, they just DO them... With God's help though we will be able to finish this insane task and be free from the bondage that is so obviously tied up with this task.

Thanks for reading, God Bless,
NL

Simple Good Food

Ok so I thought I would upload another recipe for you all to enjoy. It is basically a fish pie or a seafood pie or whatever you want to call it.

Ingredients:
3 Salmon Fillets
2.5 Other Fish Fillets (Cod, Haddock or White Fish are good)
250g Cooked, Skinned Prawns
500g Potatoes
Some Milk
Some Butter
1 Egg
Some Lemon Pepper (or other flavoring depending on taste)

Peel the potatoes and boil them for about 20 minutes till they are soft. While you are waiting skin the salmon if you have to and cook the salmon and other fish in a frying pan. When the potatoes are soft mash them and add the butter, milk and finally the egg. Place all the cooked fish and the prawns in an oven dish (you may or may not wish to put it in layers depending on taste, personally I prefer to mix it all together) and spinkle the spice over the fish and cover over with the mashed potato. Place the pie in a preheated oven on the middle shelf and allowed the dish to cook through, when the mashed potato has started to brown off it is ready to serve.

Enjoy, and thanks for ready, God Bless,
NL

The Power Of Prayer

So then, me and my wife started off the day in a bad mood... We have been trying to sort out a sleeping regime to allow us to get the maximum possible amount of REM sleep to enable us to feel refreshed and relaxed when woken. However last night went a bit messed up and we ended up sleeping really badly so when we woke up I was upset with her because she messed up the sleeping pattern and she was upset with me because she didn't sleep good, so we started the day with an arguement. We discussed a lot of things during this arguement but she had to go to work about half an hour after it started, and as she had pointed out we didn't pray together much for the last couple of days I said she couldn't go to work till we had prayed. So we did, and when she had to go to work 5 minutes later we were ok again. Prayer is a really powerful thing, it can help in the hardest of times, and in the easiest... just remember when things do seem to be getting easier that is the real time to pray because that is when you are probably going to find it hard a few days later, at least there is pretty much a balance right?
So anyway we resolved things in prayer and she went to work and we are both happy again.

Thanks for reading,
NL

To Read Or Not To Read?

So as you know, I am currently awaiting the opportunity to get a job and go on a course for Psychology. At the moment however it seems that there are jobs absolutely nowhere in my town, I mean literally none, everywhere already has all the people they need and it is mildly irritating.

Right now I am extremely bored, filling my days seems like such a chore, I am enjoying reading my books on Psychology, however there is only a certain amount of time I can do that before my consentration starts to slip. Whenever I try to do anything entertaining is seems somewhat laborious and I wish to be honest I just had some sort of work to distract me from the long days while my wife is at work. I have been making some candles for our place though, which I must admit does bring me some joy, however while I wait for them to solidify I have very little else to do, and when I do find something it takes me about 5 minutes to get bored of it. When it feels like everything makes me bored I just don't look forward to doing anything... I don't know maybe this is God's way of testing me to see if I am able to rely on him, and find something interesting to do.

Thanks for reading, God Bless,
NL

And So It Begins...

Again I am back to looking for a job so that I can provide enough cash to be able to undertake my course. I am already reading books about the subject I am going to be studying, however it just isn't the same as the course material.

I had a bit of a slip up today, whereby I bought £10 worth of scratch cards and won back only £1, I was sort of hoping that I'd be able to win enough to start my course but of course it is gambling in the end and I obviously lost. Shame really but still.

I suppose even though I don't win I can see God has got my back. Me and my wife do have everything we NEED provided for but I just want to be able to expand my horizons and I am sure this is where I am being called, so I don't know maybe something will turn up soon.

Thanks for reading, God Bless,
NL

The Hells Of Modern Life

Hello again, it has been a while since last I posted, I know this however over the last few months a lot has happened.

To be honest with you I have been being influenced a lot by the enemy and I almost lost my wife, my home, everything I had because of it. I met another girl and because of this things started to go wrong, I was listening to the wrong voices and trusting in the wrong person. It ended when God spoke to me directly and told me exactly what I was doing wrong, exactly where I was losing my way and how things could possibly be fixed. As I have now started to try and fix things everything is looking like it is going to turn out fine, stuff from my past is being resolved and both me and my wife are having a fairly substancial amount of healing. God has been with me a lot resently and I am glad for it, because if he hadn't been I would never have got to this place. I cannot do anything on my own. So to continue as I said before things from my past are being resolved, one such thing is that I am making progress as to what I am supposed to be doing with my life, it seems I have always wanted to study psychology so as that is where I feel I should be going that is what I am going to start studying... as soon as I find a job.

God bless you all,
NL