Walking The Streets Of Calvary

Today I had to go into town to do a Literacy and Numeracy test to see if I had the basic skills required to be employed, it turned out I did as I got full marks... Oh well so the first test I took last we was rubbish and a lie. God helped me quite a lot today, when I was going for the test he helped me feel chilled out and relaxed so I was able to concentrate on the test. Also I forgot to collect money for travel expenses from the people I was with but he managed to balance it out quite well in another way which was nice. I met some interesting people today including a group of Christians telling everyone 'REPENT, FOR YOU SHALL BURN IN HELL OTHERWISE' I told them what I thought of this, that it was far to negative to actually help anyone become a Christian and the guy I was talking to actually agreed with me and said he thought perhaps next time he might bring some of the positives into his talk. Another person I met tried everything she could to convince me to help old people in Kenya who are dying because they don't have enough money for health and food care even though they work a full amount of hours. She even offered me a job when I said I couldn't pay for it, which was interesting. She tried every angle and she had some good points but in the end I don't have enough money or time to devote to it, in the end it wasn't my cup of tea. So that was my 'simple' day.

Thanks for reading,
NL

To Walk Forward Sometimes We Must Look Back

I have to stop and consider what experiences I have had through the years, some have been hard and painful, others have been very easy and enjoyable. Sometimes it is good to see what progress you have made from a point, to see your life transpire and in my case see my faith grow. There have been a lot of situations that have helped me grow as a Chrisitian some you would probably wonder why others you would probably understand. One of the most pivotal moments in my life that has helped me develope my beliefs was that my dad died when I was younger. I was old enough to understand what had happened and to miss him but it didn't crush my faith in God because I had to believe in something to keep me going, it was possibly one of the hardest points in my life. Since then a lot of other things have happened, when I was a bit older I started going to a Christian Youth Camp, and older still I met my wife in a complicated way that must have been surrounded by God. Another experience that has caused me a lot of problems is the fact that I and my wife haven't been able to find jobs, this has made lots of tension between the two of us and we have had many arguements, but in the end I can see that maybe the reason we can't find jobs is because God is testing us and waiting for the perfect jobs for us. Sometimes life throws all sorts of challenges our way, sometimes it is hard to keep going and we think we will fail but God is always there for us if we ask him, he is always around to rely on and he always has the power to help us, even if he helps us in a way we don't want him to. I have often forgotten my Lord because I can't see through the darkness, I forget that if I am in the darkness he can be a candle for me and can allow me to see the end of the pain. Just remember one thing sometimes things happen that shock us and we don't know what to do but in the end they might help us become stronger people.

Thanks for reading,
NL

It's a Sin

I am a sinner, I know it. I spend my life battling against temptation and keeping God's will but it is often so hard to keep up with this especially when Satan is breathing down your neck whispering in your ear. I spend a lot of time trying to resist temptations and avoid sinning but so often I fail and fall short of God's law. So often I find myself doing something that is against all I stand for and I can't bear it, it kills me inside to know that I can't keep up with God's laws and his will. The only solution and the only thing that stops me going crazy as a Christian is the knowledge that God will always love me no matter what mistakes I make and that I can always turn to him when I know I have let him down to apologise. The one thing I know is that the more powerful faith you have in God the harder it is to continue, Lucifer is always attempting to corrupt those who love God the most, and those who feel him closest. Recently I have felt full of God but then I find myself sinning again and know I have failed again. But all who read this should know, no matter how much we do sin it doesn't effect how much God loves us and how willing he is to forgive us if we want his forgiveness, afterall in essence God is love.

Thanks for reading,
NL

Watching Things Unseen

Firstly I will tell you on Tuesday I went to my bible study group with my wife. While we were there we told everyone how we met, how we had always felt it was God's work at hand as there were to many 'coincidences' for it to merely be fate, this is probably a story I will tell later. However for now I will talk about the fact that during the evening we were talking about how my wife came to God and came to faith. The story goes she met me and we went to a certain church everytime she came to visit, each time there was the same speaker, after hearing him long enough the questions that were in my wife's head started to get answered. This person is one of the most spirit filled speakers I have heard in my life and I feel great powers from above coming from him. Anyway we went to a local town the next day as you have read to go to sign on, while we were there, though it was traumatic, God was at work again as we saw the speaker in town, we have seen him outside of this old church only twice, this being one of the times. We talked to him shortly and asked him to come and talk at our local Chapel, to which he agreed on the terms of it being an evening, this actually works quite well as the Youth services are in the evening. Anyway I felt that this was another 'coincidence' that couldn't be a 'coincidence' and I just wanted to share my worship and praise of God in this with you.

Thanks for reading,
NL

The Jobcentre Chronicles

Today was my day to sign on at the Jobcentre, I hate this process it is and probably always will be my idea of hell. While I was there I prayed to God that he would give me the strength to be there and to face the people who don't really care who you are or what you want. I hate the time I spend there being told I am not good enough, being told I should be trying harder, but I guess it doesn't matter because no matter how hard I have tried in the past I feel as though I should just give up. Nobody really wants to employ me, probably just because I lack experience, of course if I can't get a job I can't get any experience so why bother? The only thing that is keeping me going is my faith in God and my faith that he will provide something for me before I lose myself to the depressing in and out motion of the jobcentre hell. Today I was given a 'test' to do to say whether I am eligible for a job, I failed the part that was claimed to be 'easy' and passed the 'hard' parts, it doesn't matter anyway I failed the test so I have to take another longer one next week. The whole thing sickens me, parts of me wish that I could just vomit on the bureaucracy of it. The government is so good at making so many rules that don't make sense it doesn't realise that there isn't any point in it. I hate this stupid problematic shithole of a system but I still have to put up with it and hope that God will save me from this hell of mine.

Thanks for reading,
NL

The Realm of Abandonment

When 2 people in a relationship have an arguement between normality and complete rage there is a place which is normally the reason the disagreement starts, this is what I would like to now call 'The Realm of Abandonment'. At this time one of the partners is hurt and the other person misunderstands the situation and either ignores the first partners feelings, or doesn't take care of hurt person's feelings properly. In other words the person who has been hurt in the first place feels abandoned and unwanted, in this case the person will start to feel resentful of their partner for not being there for them and start to feel even more hurt and angry towards them. The only way to sort the problem is to allow the person who's feelings have been hurt to express them fully while the other person listens with understanding. If however the hurt person tries to express his/her feelings and their partner doesn't listen with understanding and becomes overly defensive and doesn't accept they may have done something wrong, then the first person will become even more angry and an arguement will start. The best way to finish an arguement like this is to give the person some space to write out their feelings in a letter and then read them out to their partner while their partner listens intently. To write such a letter you should split it into 5 sections, Anger, Sadness, Fear, Regret, Love, while writing try to keep all of the sections about the same length. By doing this the person who is upset should feel a lot better, sometimes even just by writing the letter.

Thanks for reading,
NL

Breaking the Habit

Today (technically Monday but I mean Sunday) I was allowed to take a break from my lent fasting so I spent a large proportion of the day just playing games, I did of course go to Church in the morning and me and my wife watched a film called 'bolt' but apart from that I spent the rest of the time in front of the computer. The really funny thing was I didn't really feel like playing games and I didn't really know 'what' to play, honestly I was at a sort of lose end. All the games I have I didn't want to play so I really spent most of my time on a game website. Oh well I guess it was kind of fun, however I did miss out on doing some more gardening as it kept raining on and off and I am really starting to love doing it because it gives me a sort of spiritual humility I don't really find doing anything else, I suppose that is because while doing gardening you are working with something pure, something God has put there and hasn't been broken by humanity. There is something about nature that really speaks to me, I find that being outside I can really apprieciate things that have been created by God. By being outside you can get a real feel for things in there naturalist forms. I love it.

Thanks for reading,
NL